Ok folks, If you have reached an age (as I have) when all you can do is give your mother a double case of Granache and all she can do is give you a gift voucher redeemable at a number of outlets, what do you do with the money? Simple: You buy yourself a carpet shampooer. Of course you do. What a good idea. So, you shift all of the furniture out of one room. Hoover it. Shampoo it. Let it dry. Put the rug back in, after hoovering it of course. Shampoo the rug. Let it dry. Put the furniture back in.

I’ve been at this for three solid days and I have yet to get down one floor. I was nearly crippled by moving my, oh so expensive, mattress (£1050.00). I haven’t reached the stairs yet! I moved into this house three years ago and with an open fire and living in the country, I should expect a bit of filth. But I was amazed as to the grime. I don’t play Rugby anymore, but I don’t remember producing such filth as came out when I poured the content down the bath (the nearest aperture) I’ve now taken to pouring it down the loo…Where it seems to like it better.

Spring cleaning. I would say it was a lot of fun, but all it is, is a way of burning of the Christmas cake. I Hope you are having as much fun.